Tikgempas is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, overgenerous tortoise.

Tikgempas created the solar system seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tikgempas, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tikgempas, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Tikgempas' most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Tikgempas' Holy Commandments

1. Put Tikgempas first in all things.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always help sharks in need.

5. Retreat if five eagles approach from the south.