Hakkabcen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, strong whale.

Hakkabcen created a top quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hakkabcen, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hakkabcen, he will strike you with lightening.

Hakkabcen's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Hakkabcen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

2. Always obey Hakkabcen's priests.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Hakkabcen in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never talk about electromagnetism near otters while wearing white shoes.