Gofvigmif Bamquaffet is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, all-knowing shrew.

Gofvigmif Bamquaffet created life eight million years ago.

If you believe in Gofvigmif Bamquaffet, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Gofvigmif Bamquaffet, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Gofvigmif Bamquaffet's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Gofvigmif Bamquaffet's Holy Commandments

1. Gofvigmif Bamquaffet loves ants, so they must be honoured.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never hop in the presence of foxes.