Jopfignil is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, idiotic salamander.

Jopfignil created a Higgs boson eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopfignil, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jopfignil, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Jopfignil's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Jopfignil's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Erect four aluminium sculptures of Jopfignil on top of important buildings.

3. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always wear brown.