Bonkarpran is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, strong monkey.

Bonkarpran created a top quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkarpran, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Bonkarpran, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Bonkarpran's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Bonkarpran's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never talk about swans.

3. Do not shave your neck.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not take Bonkarpran's name in vain.