Bisscedged is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, omnipotent turtle.

Bisscedged created the planet Earth nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bisscedged, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bisscedged, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Bisscedged's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Bisscedged's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

2. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never talk about snails.

4. Bisscedged loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.

5. Always look after injured otters.