Femfobsom is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, self-confident narwhal.

Femfobsom created a strange quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Femfobsom, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Femfobsom, it will not invite you to parties.

Femfobsom's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Femfobsom's Holy Commandments

1. Always help monkeys.

2. Never laugh in the presence of snails.

3. Never mention voles.

4. Always wear mauve.

5. Do not kill dogs.