Dimhotbess is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, boastful bat.

Dimhotbess created energy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dimhotbess, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dimhotbess, it will turn you into a goat.

Dimhotbess' most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Dimhotbess' Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. You must never eat melons.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near turtles while wearing gray coats and balancing three tin spheres on your feet.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Run away from turquoise birds, for they are unholy.