Yargovfem is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, unthoughtful penguin.

Yargovfem created the planet Jupiter five million years ago.

If you believe in Yargovfem, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Yargovfem, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Yargovfem's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Yargovfem's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Mites are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not take Yargovfem's name in vain.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.