Kapgumbum is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, sapient squirrel.

Kapgumbum created vertebrates eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Kapgumbum, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Kapgumbum, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Kapgumbum's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Kapgumbum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Always make sure there are no bats in a building before entering it.

3. Do not take Kapgumbum's name in vain.

4. Never jump near ants.

5. Never think about optics near badgers while wearing yellow jumpers and balancing seven nickel spheres on your back.