Ontfaddut is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, happy troll.

Ontfaddut created the cosmos four billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontfaddut, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Ontfaddut, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Ontfaddut's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Ontfaddut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ontfaddut.

4. Always treat dolphins with great respect.

5. Never write about special relativity.