Mumzakvin is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, idiotic troll.

Mumzakvin created life three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mumzakvin, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Mumzakvin, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Mumzakvin's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Mumzakvin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear carbon on your body.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

3. Do not take Mumzakvin's name in vain.

4. Always help birds.

5. Never talk about dark matter near squirrels while wearing brown tights and balancing three platinum spheres on your head.