Lopjantonk is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, unfair hamster.

Lopjantonk created a top quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lopjantonk, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Lopjantonk, it will turn you into a mole.

Lopjantonk's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Lopjantonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat peanuts.

2. Feed all hungry gulls.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Never think ill of sick snakes.

5. Never look at moons.