Tailtamjin Tartettiquag Zagweetal is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, dishonourable snail.

Tailtamjin Tartettiquag Zagweetal created matter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tailtamjin Tartettiquag Zagweetal, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tailtamjin Tartettiquag Zagweetal, he will turn you into a mole.

Tailtamjin Tartettiquag Zagweetal's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Tailtamjin Tartettiquag Zagweetal's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Do not hurt badgers.

4. Never eat melons.

5. Do not eat peas.