Capcarbell is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, vain crab.

Capcarbell created an up quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Capcarbell, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Capcarbell, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Capcarbell's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Capcarbell's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your neck gray.

2. Capcarbell loves shrews, so they must be respected.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never think ill of sick ducks.

5. Never eat bark.