Hapnibquart is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, unjust slug.

Hapnibquart created the planet Saturn two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapnibquart, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hapnibquart, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Hapnibquart's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Hapnibquart's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate manatees.

2. Never mention rats.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Hapnibquart.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never feed coconuts to great tits while wearing rings.