Tarbarnvon is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, cheerful troll.

Tarbarnvon created water eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarbarnvon, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tarbarnvon, she will turn you into a tree.

Tarbarnvon's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Tarbarnvon's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Tarbarnvon four times a day.

2. You must never eat lentils.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never think about spacetime near rats while wearing magenta corsets and balancing three lead spheres on your hands.

5. Never look at comets.