Ponkenwad is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, generous tortoise.

Ponkenwad created dark matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Ponkenwad, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ponkenwad, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Ponkenwad's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Ponkenwad's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat rice.

2. Put Ponkenwad first in all things.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate whales.

4. Never paint your arms yellow.

5. Never bounce in holy places.