Jatfomhom is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, fussy goblin.

Jatfomhom created everything that exists four million years ago.

If you believe in Jatfomhom, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Jatfomhom, she will refuse to believe in you.

Jatfomhom's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Jatfomhom's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

3. Never think about dark energy near frogs while wearing turquoise ear rings and balancing five aluminium spheres on your hands.

4. Never feed lots of bread to badgers while wearing magenta shorts.

5. Do not take Jatfomhom's name in vain.