Stafbonhad is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, calm dugong.

Stafbonhad created dark matter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Stafbonhad, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Stafbonhad, he will turn you into a sheep.

Stafbonhad's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Stafbonhad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair pink.

2. Never write about eukaryotes.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never write about moons.

5. Always stare at clouds.