Tiparnaf is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, kind squirrel.

Tiparnaf created viruses eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tiparnaf, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tiparnaf, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tiparnaf's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Tiparnaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always help badgers.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not wear yellow clothing.

4. Never talk about mites.

5. Retreat if four dogs approach from the west.