Vedtiffen is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, astonishing hummingbird.

Vedtiffen created a top quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vedtiffen, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Vedtiffen, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vedtiffen's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Vedtiffen's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Always wear gray.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.