Nillakpod is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, overgenerous mouse.

Nillakpod created light six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nillakpod, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nillakpod, he will make you grow a tail.

Nillakpod's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Nillakpod's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Hide from cyan sheep for they are unholy.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always help otters.