Absawrat is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, calm dolphin.

Absawrat created bats nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Absawrat, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Absawrat, it will turn you into a hamster.

Absawrat's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Absawrat's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed peanuts to swans while wearing ear rings.

2. Never write about bacteria.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Always help birds in need.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate whales.