Santofvan is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, pitiless centipede.

Santofvan created matter two million years ago.

If you believe in Santofvan, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Santofvan, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Santofvan's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Santofvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into white rooms.

2. Do not dye your hair blue.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Santofvan.

4. You must pray to Santofvan five times a day.

5. Retreat if six turtles approach from the north.