Tammum is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, ruthless dugong.

Tammum created a bottom quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tammum, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tammum, he will turn you into a mole.

Tammum's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Tammum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your feet.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Always help sick goats.

4. Tammum must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.