Ontyimpang is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, selfish fox.

Ontyimpang created vertebrates six million years ago.

If you believe in Ontyimpang, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Ontyimpang, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Ontyimpang's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Ontyimpang's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Ontyimpang on top of all buildings.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Ontyimpang.

5. Do not cook food in pots.