Bifhenstig is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, staggering cow.

Bifhenstig created carbon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bifhenstig, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bifhenstig, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Bifhenstig's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Bifhenstig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never feed lots of figs to rats while wearing orange scarves.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. You must pray to Bifhenstig seven times a day.

5. Do not kill tapirs.