Japcebbab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, awesome jaguar.

Japcebbab created time and space two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japcebbab, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Japcebbab, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Japcebbab's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Japcebbab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Japcebbab.

3. Never sing in the presence of porpoises.

4. Never think about galaxies.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.