Gattinwan is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, grumpy seal.

Gattinwan created dark matter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gattinwan, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gattinwan, it will turn you into a snail.

Gattinwan's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Gattinwan's Holy Commandments

1. Gattinwan must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never sing near gulls.

4. Never think about dark matter.

5. Never wear fawn shoes.