Waptanpan is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, unjust dryad.

Waptanpan created the Andromeda Galaxy two million years ago.

If you believe in Waptanpan, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Waptanpan, it will turn you into a mole.

Waptanpan's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Waptanpan's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never feed spinach to shrews while wearing white hats.

3. Do not speak about peas.

4. Never talk about nucleic acids.

5. Erect a giant purple sculpture of Waptanpan in the centre of the settlement.