Satgilbaf is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, happy swan.

Satgilbaf created viruses five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Satgilbaf, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Satgilbaf, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Satgilbaf's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Satgilbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never feed strawberries to great tits while wearing violet jumpers.

3. You must never eat garlic.

4. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Satgilbaf in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never play with disobedient children.