Karfumfag is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, deceitful cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Karfumfag created a down quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Karfumfag, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Karfumfag, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Karfumfag's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Karfumfag's Holy Commandments

1. Erect nine platinum sculptures of Karfumfag on top of important buildings.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

4. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

5. Do not speak about cherries.