Fonjipgep is a god.

She takes the form of a small, kind naga.

Fonjipgep created a down quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fonjipgep, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Fonjipgep, she will turn you into a slug.

Fonjipgep's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Fonjipgep's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six great tits approach from the north.

2. Never write about black holes.

3. Always treat bats with great respect.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never eat green fruit.