Gidhaptonk is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, humorless monkey.

Gidhaptonk created the Whirlpool Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gidhaptonk, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gidhaptonk, it will destroy your home planet.

Gidhaptonk's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Gidhaptonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lentils to geese while wearing dresses.

2. Never write about photosynthesis.

3. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not sing in public.