Kemortpark is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, resourceful fish.

Kemortpark created a top quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kemortpark, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Kemortpark, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Kemortpark's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Kemortpark's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your head.

2. You must love Kemortpark.

3. Never talk about quantum mechanics.

4. Never write about enzymes.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.