Pakwotfum Sandceptik is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, annoying dolphin.

Pakwotfum Sandceptik created the planet Jupiter four million years ago.

If you believe in Pakwotfum Sandceptik, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Pakwotfum Sandceptik, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Pakwotfum Sandceptik's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Pakwotfum Sandceptik's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant near eagles.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never feed aubergines to goats while wearing yellow jumpers.