Jarnnakontjap is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, staggering gerbil.

Jarnnakontjap created dark energy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnnakontjap, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jarnnakontjap, it will turn you into a duck.

Jarnnakontjap's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Jarnnakontjap's Holy Commandments

1. Aardvarks are not to be trusted.

2. Never eat gooseberries.

3. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

4. Never talk about gravity near eagles while wearing red shirts.

5. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.