Jonwatgad is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, amazing dugong.

Jonwatgad created matter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jonwatgad, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Jonwatgad, he will strike you with lightening.

Jonwatgad's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Jonwatgad's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never think about quantum field theory near sheep while wearing mauve trousers and balancing nine silicon spheres on your legs.

3. Erect seven copper sculptures of Jonwatgad on top of important buildings.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jonwatgad.