Quaftapsan is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, proud monkey.

Quaftapsan created humanity six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quaftapsan, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Quaftapsan, she will make you grow a tail.

Quaftapsan's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Quaftapsan's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat rats with great respect.

2. Never paint your back white.

3. Quaftapsan loves sheep, so they must be respected.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not kill mites.