Lab is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, idiotic deer.

Lab created the Small Magellanic Cloud four years ago.

If you believe in Lab, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lab, he will remove you from existence.

Lab's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Lab's Holy Commandments

1. Put Lab first in all things.

2. Retreat if seven foxes approach from the east.

3. Do not hurt goats.

4. Lab loves cats, so they must be honoured.

5. Never think about electromagnetism near doves while wearing black dresses and balancing five silver spheres on your back.