Jenflaptalarmnurtmiphasgum is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, unthoughtful fish.

Jenflaptalarmnurtmiphasgum created time and space eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jenflaptalarmnurtmiphasgum, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Jenflaptalarmnurtmiphasgum, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Jenflaptalarmnurtmiphasgum's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Jenflaptalarmnurtmiphasgum's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark energy near squirrels while wearing black trousers and balancing six copper spheres on your head.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not trade with those who eat corn.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.