Flabcemnab is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, resourceful bird.

Flabcemnab created an electron nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flabcemnab, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Flabcemnab, it will turn you into a worm.

Flabcemnab's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Flabcemnab's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat badgers with great respect.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always look after injured snakes.

4. Flabcemnab must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Flabcemnab.