Gofkiparf is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, staggering dryad.

Gofkiparf created humanity four million years ago.

If you believe in Gofkiparf, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gofkiparf, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Gofkiparf's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Gofkiparf's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear magenta.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Never eat nuts.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never look at planets.