Yarlquamfid is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, deceitful wyrm.

Yarlquamfid created a charm quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlquamfid, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yarlquamfid, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Yarlquamfid's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Yarlquamfid's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate aardvarks.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Always make sure there are no mice in a room before entering it.

4. Always help sick badgers.

5. Do not drink alcohol.