Tafpinbog is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, emotional pig.

Tafpinbog created the cosmos three million years ago.

If you believe in Tafpinbog, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tafpinbog, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Tafpinbog's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Tafpinbog's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dwarf planets.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never talk about quantum gravity near sharks while wearing orange coats.