Witwipbin is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, moody giraffe.

Witwipbin created Africa four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Witwipbin, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Witwipbin, she will come to you in dreams.

Witwipbin's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Witwipbin's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never feed lemons to ants while wearing shoes.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.