Flatominzodwigbutzig is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, unthinking dolphin.

Flatominzodwigbutzig created a top quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatominzodwigbutzig, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flatominzodwigbutzig, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Flatominzodwigbutzig's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Flatominzodwigbutzig's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about special relativity.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not commit murder.