Futcusscip is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, selfish gerbil.

Futcusscip created snails two billion years ago.

If you believe in Futcusscip, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Futcusscip, he will turn you into a rock.

Futcusscip's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Futcusscip's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat manatees with great respect.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

4. Never think about quantum gravity near tapirs while wearing brown coats and balancing seven silicon spheres on your arms.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.