Gatfebman is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, slow alligator.

Gatfebman created the universe four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatfebman, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gatfebman, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Gatfebman's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Gatfebman's Holy Commandments

1. Frogs are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not sing in public.

3. Never talk about chromosomes.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Gatfebman.

5. Learn six new languages a year.